Truth Be Told, I Miss You. And, Truth Be Told, I'm Lyin

Text & Twitter Tuesday:

I actually don't have too many texts that are amusing enough to me to put up here. Maybe next week. However, there is always someone funny on Twitter.

This week I'm going to spotlight this guy named Justin. Justin is 29 and he lives with his father who is 73. His Twitter handle is shitmydadsays. His dad says hilarious stuff all the time and Justin tweets it. Now, I'm not sure if there really is an old man saying all this stuff, but it's beside the point because its hilarious.

Here are some tweets:

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged. You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked."
12:59 PM Oct 18th

"Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking."
10:03 AM Oct 5th

"Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his fucking food. Why's he gotta do a trick first? YOU don't have to do shit before YOU eat."
10:28 AM Sep 30th

"No, you cannot borrow my t-shirt...How about instead of standing there looking shocked, you do your fucking laundry?"
3:30 PM Sep 21st

"Why the fuck would I want to live to 100? I'm 73 and shit's starting to get boring. By the way, there's no money left when I go, just fyi."
2:58 PM Sep 10th

"The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2"
12:41 PM Sep 7th

"It's just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"
1:12 PM Sep 2nd

"Who is this woman?....Kate Beckinsale? Well, you can tell Kate Beckinsale she sucks."
8:07 PM Aug 24th

"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."
1:07 PM Aug 23rd


Haha, I think it's pretty funny. Hope you all enjoyed.

Title Song: 'Gives You Hell' - The All-American Rejects