April 8, 2008

Early Bird Catches the Worm, My Ass

Setting: My room, 6:42am. I am blissfully asleep in my comfy bed. All of a sudden, I am startled awake by a rumbling sound that only the Heavens falling from the sky could make.

Me: What the...?

-I look at my clock--6:42AM

Me: You have got to be kidding me!

rumble, rumble, FUCKING RUMBLE

Me: All right!

I sit up and reach for my window. I pull the blinds open and slide open my window. I listen to the rumbling as this mystery person continues to make noise down the last flight of stairs. I stare through my screen until I hear the noise stop and sound of a mountain bike clicking. The person walking their bike finally reaches my line of sight.


Confused, he looks around (My window is ground level so it took him a minute to spot me). He kneels down to my level.

Him: Yeah?

Me: Do you know what time it is?

He mistakes this question for one that isn't RHETORICAL.

Him: Oh yeah, it's like 6:45.

Me: Right. And it's always like 6:45 when you parade your bike down those stairs. I'm sorry you have to wake up so early, but I perfer to not be the early bird who catches the worm, so can you pick up your bike as you come down the stairs in the morning?

He looks confused, again.

Him: Oh! You can hear that?

Me: Yes! Very much so--for three flights of stairs!

Him: Ah, my bad dude. So you want me try to make less noise then?

I give him an evil glare and then without saying a word, I shut my window and blinds and I try to go back to sleep.

End Scene.

All I know is, if I hear that God awful noise again I am going to meet him at the bottom of those stairs, dismantle his bike and shove a tire up his ass...dude.

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