Introducing: Missive Monday
Dear Creators of 'Baby in My Pocket',
I recently saw a commercial for your new toy. I was mesmerized the entire time because it was such an eye-opening learning experience.
Now, some may find this toy misleading, and may even insist you are doing a disservice to young girls and their parents. However, I say, 'Nay!' This is a great product and I plan to share what I learned from your commercial with everyone I know.
Here is the list of facts I gathered from your commercial, that I plan on sharing with my peers:
1. It's okay to put a baby in your pocket. I don't know how many times I have found myself carrying around a child only to find that I need to use my hands for something else. Normally, I would just set the baby down in a baby-safe seat or their crib, but you've opened up a whole new world of understanding. I'll just put the baby in my pocket. Sure, it might be a tight squeeze and harmful to the child, but it's just so damn convenient.
2. Tiny babies, like cellphones, laptops, mp3 players and other electronics, is a revolutionary idea. Sure, I could have a normal-sized, healthy child, but why would I want that when I can have a pre-premature baby?!
3. Now that babies are smaller, cuter and 'so sweet' it's now okay for me to begin collecting them! Though, now that I know this to be a fact, I'm just not sure why we gave so much grief to Octo-Mom...she was only expanding her collection.
4. I also learned that when my baby is hungry, as long as I have things that look like bottles, bowls, spoons and forks, there is no need to actually have food. What a relief; seeing as how the economy is so bad. Buying baby food really would have put a dent in the money I've been saving for Vegas.
5. When my baby wants to sleep, I'll just have them lie face-down on my hand. I thought having a baby sleep on their face was dangerous, you know because of the whole breathing thing, but I guess I was mistaken.
6. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, I learned that (since babies are now so small and don't need to really eat) little girls can have babies, too--there's no need to wait until you're old enough to drive, vote or obtain a job.
So, as you guys can see, I learned so much just from your short, 20 second commercial! I can't wait to share the good news with my friends and get started on my baby collection.
Also, I will be sure to study your commercial for 'Puppy in My Pocket' as I plan to get a puppy of my own very soon.
Thanks for your time and attention,
Title Song: 'My Band' - Eminem & D12